Playing catch up

Wow, how can it be 18 months since last I wrote here? This blog feels like it's been written by a different person with a whole different life, and I guess in many ways, I am. Since last I wrote in this space I spent a year living alone in Halifax, working on a second Masters degree whilst continuing to teach. I had a roommate....shout out to Lily; and a bunch of crazy, fun friends. I walked this bizarre line between being a young academic and also being a masters student, and it was WEIRD. For much of the year nobody in the MA program knew I taught next door. I thought it would be a little out there, so I just didn't talk about it. The boy moved away to school and I found the time apart was a good thing. I started feeling like me again in many ways.  Just when I was rediscovering my yoga practice, it was time to go.

Fast forward to the present...Christmas 2013 I think should be filed away under "days I really don't need to remember." It's been a shitty holiday, and if you know me at all, you know I look forward to this and Halloween like your proverbial 6 year old. Why so shitty? My fault completely. After all, we create our todays, we make our realities what they should be, and instead of living in the moment and making each day an adventure, I have spent these last months since I have been away from the page, NOT living, but simply existing. I've allowed myself to allow circumstances to define me and not remember the important things. Part of the problem has been my not making time for the things this blog is supposed to be about. This time the enemy isn't the couch however, it's been too many hours at my desk or just doing diddly. I know I'm hiding. I'm hiding because I'm scared, scared to make changes, scared to admit things are moving in the wrong direction and I don't know how to stop and get off this train.




 







Since September I have been teaching at Acadia University in the Annapolis Valley, right on the Bay of Fundy. There's supposed to be 14 beaches here, which makes sense when I point out we're on the Bay. I've seen 3. When I got here the plan was to get out and discover the Valley (or become an alcoholic which would be a good plan in a region known for its vino). It started well, we hiked and worked out a lot, until the boy's demons caught up with him again and things just stopped. Last big hike was Cape Split with my buddy Tim before he moved back to Nebraska.

Tim, Jason and I at Cape Split

Before that Mel and Chris stayed over and we did Scot's Bay & Blomidon before they left for Ontario.

Mel & Chris @ Blomidon

Maybe that's the trick - more people need to move away. I don't for one second fail to appreciate the beauty here, it just feels really isolated.

Past the orchards is the Minas Basin

Reservoir Park, aptly named

Today we went snowshoeing. Everything said stay home and feel sorry for myself, but we went out there - it's gorgeous. The winter ice storm we had a few days ago has left behind a beautiful landscape. So who knows what adventures await tomorrow; rumour has it there's a polar bear dip at Kingsport for New Year's... Merry Christmas bitches.

Canada Day Day-tripping

The ocean used to be where the brown is - about an hour ago!

Today, as we drove away from Five Island Provincial Park, I said to Jason and Monica, "I feel the way I did when I hiked Burncoat in the winter; how do I explain to anyone what we just did in a way that they could possibly GET it?" So that's my dilemma, I just did one of the most incredible things I've ever done, yet words don't do it justice, because it is almost impossible to describe the scope. When we pulled into the parking lot it was just after 1:00 in the afternoon, and we were there to hike. We wanted to wander down to the beach first to check it out; after all, I had seen some pretty cool pictures of this muddy beach and really wanted to see what it was all about.

So what is the big deal you ask? The Five Island Provincial Park sits within the Bay of Fundy. The park features 90 metre (300 ft.) sea cliffs overlooking the world's highest tides, and when we got there the tide was on it's way out, so the ocean floor was slowly giving up all its secrets. We started up on one of the cliffs, wandered down to the beach and ended up spending the entire time there just walking and basking in the awesomeness of it all for about three hours. We were walking along what had been the ocean's floor just an hour or two before; it was like walking on the surface of the moon. Yes, I know, I said all this for the Burncoat trip as well, but it is probably going to be as amazing to me every, single time. Walking barefoot with the silty, clay sand oozing between your toes, seeing clam holes in the sand and walking on  ocean kelp...who does this every day?

The sales pitch reads:

The cliffs at Five Islands Provincial Park tell a story of Triassic sand dunes, Jurassic lava flows and lake deposits from the age of dinosaurs. The spectacular faults and rocks exposed along the shore, near the "Old Wife" are dramatic evidence for the break-up of the super-continent Pangaea, and formation of a rift valley in the area that we now know as the Bay of Fundy.

Yup, it's all that and then some. So now my feet feel as smooth as a baby's bottom and I feel as if I had a serious leg workout - what an awesome Canada Day!

Starter Kit to Nova Scotia

Came across this online today and thought I'd re-post for those who have never visited the province...

Posted by Fodor's Guest Blogger on June 26, 2012 at 12:45:46 PM EDT
Posted in Trip Ideas & Itineraries Tagged: Canada, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Tips

By Susan MacCallum-Whitcomb
Clinging precariously to Canada's East Coast, the Nova Scotian peninsula isn't just an accessible (and affordable) destination. As a spot where lobster traps outnumber tourist traps, it ticks all the boxes for an unspoiled seaside escape—and, unless you're obsessed with multi-colored leaves, summer is the best time to come. When planning a trip, just remember that, while small by national standards, the province is still twice the size of Massachusetts. So start by concentrating on these four key regions.

Aerial view of Halifax

Halifax
Known as Atlantic Canada's marquee city, Halifax is the obvious choice when you're jonsing for an urban fix. But it also serves as a fitting introduction to Nova Scotia's particular brand of charm because, like the province as a whole, it has sociable locals and history to spare, plus water, water, everywhere. Halifax rims a huge natural harbor (only Sydney boasts a larger one) and virtually all major attractions—including the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21, Maritime Museum of the Atlantic, and star-shaped Halifax Citadel—sit within sight of it. For an up-close look, stroll along the Waterfront Boardwalk or, better yet, linger there over a Keith's beer. Afterwards board a Cable Wharf vessel for a harbor cruise.
Insider's Tip: As an alternative to a lengthy tour, make a return cross-harbor trip for less than $5 on a commuter ferry. Launched in 1752, the service was once managed by native Haligonian Samuel Cunard who later established the famed Cunard Line.

Peggy's Cove Lighthouse

South Shore


When my family rented a villa in Tuscany one year, the owners said they couldn't understand why we'd bothered coming when their favorite place in the world—Nova Scotia's South Shore—sits right outside Halifax. Edging the Atlantic Ocean for about 190 miles, the waterside route is punctuated with time-warped towns like Chester, Mahone Bay, and Shelburne that evoke vintage New England. (The resemblance explains why many movies set in Maine or Massachusetts are actually filmed here.) The towering lighthouse at Peggy's Cove, one of Canada's signature sites, creates the area's best photo op; while Lunenburg, a vibrant 18th-century community so well preserved that it's been named a UNESCO World Heritage Site, makes the best home base.
Insider's Tip: Shopping alert! Aside from the expected maritime amenities (think beaches, boats, quaint B&B's and oodles of fresh seafood), the South Shore also features a surplus of quality craft shops. Folk art and antique stores are plentiful too. 

Digby Fishing

Fundy Shore and Annapolis Valley
The Atlantic merges into the mighty Bay of Fundy near the province's southern tip, bringing you face to face with the highest tides on earth. In this less-developed region the biggest attractions come courtesy of Mother Nature, as do the smallest, with whales dominating the former category and renowned Digby scallops having a lock on the latter. Ready for something different? Loop back to Halifax through the Annapolis Valley. This pastoral stretch is a revelation for vacationers who equate Nova Scotia exclusively with the sea since it promises orchards, vineyards and wineries. Several of Canada's oldest settlements are here as well, among them Port Royal. Founded in 1605, it predates Jamestown, Virginia, by two years.
Insider's Tip: Minimize car time without sacrificing much on either the South or Fundy Shore by driving down to Liverpool and cutting cross-country to Annapolis Royal. The trip takes approximately 90 minutes, passing Kejimkujik National Park en route.

Driving the Cabot Trail

Cape Breton
Although connected to the mainland by a mile-long causeway, Cape Breton Island feels like another world. That's partly because the topography is more dramatic—especially along the legendary Cabot Trail. A vertigo-inducing, cliff-hugging coastal road that extends for 185 glorious miles. Another reason is that the physical similarities between Cape Breton and Scotland attracted droves of displaced Highlanders during the 18th century, and their cultural legacy is clearly evident. For proof, visit the Gaelic College of Celtic Arts and Crafts, drink a dram at North America's original single-malt whiskey distillery, and then dance 'til you drop at one of the fiddle-fueled ceilidhs (traditional "kitchen parties") held nightly in summer.
Insider's Tip: Get optimal views, plus better access to lookouts in Cape Breton Highlands National Park, by approaching the Cabot Trail from the east and traveling counterclockwise. Just drive it in daylight. Night is prime time for moose—not motorists.

BWM(M)!!!!

Coming home after practice Thursday, I was just plain frustrated about the same issue as in my last post, where I don't "get" the haughtiness of some of my supposed teammates. I hopped on my computer the minute I walked in the door and sent an  email to my friend Hedia to ask her "what's wrong with your friend so-and-so?" I am always polite and go out of my way to be friendly to her and she is barely cordial, and I have not, for the life of me been able to figure it out. Even if we're competitors for a spot on the boat, the person who's the better athlete is going to get that spot (in a fair world), and "nice" ain't gonna get in the way of that.

I loved Hedia's response so much I have to post it here..."So who cares if she doesn't like you, in that case, you should be in her face even more. I give people like her a name, I called them BWM (biatches who motivate) me." 

I. Love. It. And that would be why I love my sistahs - they're all about the love, the support and most importantly, the perspective. Don't allow other people's negativity to get you down or to defeat you - use it as your motivation to go out there and give it your all. Remember, mean girls make you stronger.

Ugh, why you gotta be so mean?!

This is a stock photo - today was grey and wet

Today was a glorious, albeit cold and wet day. Jason, Melissa and I drove to the Keji Seaside Adjunct and did the 8.7km hike with my Outdoor Adventure meet-up group (making for a 10 hour day after 5 hours of sleep last night). I passed out for 2-3 hours after getting home, but am now wide awake at 2am. I continue to fall in love with the beauty of this province. The gifts Mother Nature gives up to you here are spectacular. Today we saw grey seals out on the water checking us out as we looked  out onto the ocean, and there was just something majestic about the whole thing.  I continue to me grateful that I joined this group and that I finally convinced Jason to start checking out the events - it is SO NICE to be able to get out and see people again!!


Yet, that being said, I have to admit that I'm having trouble with navigation of aspects of my new social space. For example, this morning when we arrived at the parking lot of the provincial park, a great big pitbull raced over to our car and proceeded to jump all over me and to try to hop up into the car seat I had just vacated. I love doggies, so no biggie, but I figured out quickly that she smelled my chocolate-chunk cookies (I know, so much for paleo!) and had to forcefully remove her so I wouldn't contribute to the death of some strangers dog.  Anyway, her owner came charging over, grabbed her by the scruff and dragged her off, berating her, without so much as a "hello" or even an apology if she had scared us.  This encounter shaped my day more than I realized.  It brought to the fore a lot of what I've been feeling since leaving Toronto, first in  London, Ontario, and now in Nova Scotia. I am having real trouble with the distance I get from people here. I have always been a very social creature. I say hello to everyone, I  like to get to know the people around me. In fact, I had fallen in love with the paddling community way before I was actually a paddler, and the girls weren't exaggerating when they'd jokingly call me the mayor of dragon boat - I like to meet and greet the people I share a love of things with. I like community. So going to practices where people show up,  hop in the boat, paddle, then hop right into their cars, often without exchanging more than a cursory hello is hard for me. Being nice to someone's pet when it's being intrusive and what some people would have taken as a little scary (not everyone reacts positively to a pitbull charging at them at full tilt) should elicit at least some degree of friendly you'd think. I go out of my way to be friendly and get uncomfortable hellos or nods in response and end up wondering if it's me.  Going back to sport,  I understand the awkward athlete thing - I've known many elite athletes throughout my lifetime, and get that their social skills are often lacking. However, that shouldn't include basic courtesy or just being nice! The cliquey thing is as hard for me now as it was when I first showed  up at Balmy Beach for war canoe 100 years ago.

I remember saying to my supervisor during my PhD when I was having trouble with a woman I was co-teaching with (who was essentially a condescending cow), that with me, what you see is what you get. She somewhat derisively told me that people who say that are rarely being honest, but you know what? I don't have time for pretense, and I don't really understand why I would go out of my way to be someone I'm not. If I like you, you know it. If I think you're scary or mean, I won't give you the time of day. If I want to be your friend, I will put myself out there. I stop on the street to tell strangers I think they're beautiful. I also tell people when I think they're being ridiculous or annoying. I would rather have you pissed at me for being honest with you than have you wonder what I really think. Does this "honesty" get me in trouble? Of course it does! Sometimes I dislike who I am because of the need  I seem to have to say what I think. I carry around that list of 15 things to let go to be happy, and refer to it at least once a day because I know some of this honesty stuff is over the top and I know how much work there is to be done on my part. But more and more lately I find myself uncertain where people are concerned - are you just being nice to my face? Why do your words ring untrue? Why can I hear you say all these nice equitable things when appropriate, yet when placed in a critical light I can  see that you are paying lip service to truly seeing me as your equal or as more than representing some idea (usually of blackness) that exists in your head? I know I'm an overly-sensitive soul, but I also just plain don't "get" humanity. How do people keep up? There are so many layers of pretense and bravado that I really struggle with what's real and what's imagined, and what people expect from relationships and cursory encounters. I mean frig, life is so short people, does it hurt to stop and share the planet with another human being for a minute?

So be kind people, sometimes it's the littlest things that mean the most.

Sugs out.

It's my "off week"

First, what's with the weather?!  Okay, so technically this is only our second spring in Nova Scotia, so there is a slight chance that the weather really isn't "the norm" for the province. BUT, I'm beginning to doubt the veracity of those with the disclaimers. This is week two of god-awful weather with the occasional gorgeous, sunny day squeaking through ever so often.  As was the case this time last year, I actually dread my sessions on the water, knowing I'll be freezing my ass off, rained on, or both.  I know, bitch, bitch, bitch.

It's been a cranky few days for me though - I was up with the birds on Friday morning and out for a 6am paddle, and it was glorious. A reminder of how much I love starting the day watching the sunrise from the water. It left me in an awesome mood for the day.  But, by 6pm I was over-tired and crabby, and by 8pm I was out cold in my bed.  I have spent the days since in a giant funk. It's my off week training-wise, and a part of me wonders if that is playing a part in my mood and listlessness. The "week off" is supposed to be for the heavy weight training, meaning the week was to be continued rowing and running. Ya, let's just say it's the end of Wednesday and I rowed on Monday and have done nothing else since. Add to that my falling off the clean eating wagon, and all hope might be lost! The "all or nothing" aspect of my personality is in full view right now.  I had a single cheat on Saturday, and that's led to poor eating every day since. Going back to 100% paleo tomorrow with the knowledge that it will be difficult on our trip back to Ontario next week. Eating cleanly on the road is by no means simple. It requires a great deal of planing and will-power, two things I struggle with. However, I will approach this with a positive attitude and follow the suggestions from my Strong Lola friends who have submitted many suggestions over the past year. My fave is the non-sandwich sandwich...I got this from the people at Whole9 who suggested a couple years ago that when you go to a restaurant that offers great sandwiches on their menu, one option for those of us trying to eat clean is to order said sandwich sans the bread/pita/wrap etc. You will get strange looks from your server, but who cares when it's about a better, more healthy you?  I just took a moment to revisit the Whole9 Blog as I recalled the post about the sandwich and instead stumbled on a post about the difference between rest and recovery, and what's needed for a healthy recovery...there are no coincidences.  Feeling as drained as I have been the past few days I needed to read this and to be reminded of some important truths:

"Being committed to recovery means that sometimes you don’t train hard, even if you really want to, and even if everyone else is doing it.

A commitment to recovery may mean that you take ice baths sometimes.

It means that when all you want is pizza and a beer, you choose a nutritious meal instead.

It means that you put away the computer/TV/smartphone/video game and go the heck to sleep.

It means that you spend some intimate time with your foam roller, lacrosse ball, stick, ice pack, or other self-care tool/torture device.

It means that you watch and learn from Kelly Starrett getting his supple leopard on.

It may mean that you seek out a reputable practitioner of your preferred therapeutic approach: massage, Rolfing, acupuncture, chiropractic care, naturopathic or functional medicine.

It might mean that you use your noggin’ and take a pass on a race or competition that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of Your Life and Health.

It might even mean that you revisit your trip down Whole30 Lane."

 So according to the above, it's bedtime for this girl as I have a date with the gym in the morning and then another with Ms Monica the massage therapist/torture device (the hip's been feeling WAY better this week I have to admit, the work of my two bringers of pain is paying off).

Heartache and the back squat

Watching a friend who’d experienced recent heartache struggle through a workout that should have been tough but doable made me stop to think about the extent to which our emotional selves impact our abilities to perform.  How often have you gone into the gym for a workout on a day when you were feeling down, only to struggle through every lift, through every set?  It’s a given that emotional struggle will distract you from that place of “focus,” sometimes to the point that you seemingly daydream through the workout.  On days when I have “so much on my mind” I find I have to drag myself back to the next set.  So watching my friend try to squat 225lb and essentially fail when it was nowhere near his max, I knew he was struggling with more than the weight on his back.

The use of music in the gym, whether your own or whatever's piped in, is geared at improving your mood during the workout/training process.  It clearly suggests the recognition and understanding that improving one's mood would be conducive to improving the gym experience. I wonder though, on days like that, is it best to just call it and move on, or is it better to “soldier on” and make the best of it? I have never quite learned how to channel my emotional state into competition or training.  Not like my brother, who took his level of training up to such an elite level because of issues he was dealing with that year.  When my emotions are getting the better of me I just want to hide – hit the couch and put a blanket over my head.  Struggling through the workout would just leave me feeling weak and hence worse than I did going into the gym, so to me it seems counter-productive. I'm good at hiding, so why not focus on  that instead?  But we all know better - the endorphins from the workout are the best thing for elevating your mood on those days. A good workout always leaves you feeling good, even if it's wrung the life out of you, and remember, even if you don't feel great at the end of it, your heart and your elderly self will thank you.

Sugs